HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEEMO!

Today, we’ll use our big data engine to celebrate the legendary Teemo! We’ll take a look at Teemo’s 2017 with the help of data pulled from all Ranked SR games across Riot regions. There are really only two schools of thought on the Swift Scout, so let’s get right to it:

Great choice! We love Teemo, too. He’s the picture of heroism! The bastion of Bandle City, he keeps its secrets secret and its people safe.

Teemo’s worn many hats through the years, so our first category is…

Strongest Teemo

Obviously there’s no “best” Teemo skin—they’re all the best! But we understand that you can’t use all skins, all the time. Here are all the skins sorted by popularity:

Omega Squad Teemo is the most popular Teemo, and it’s not even a close race! This skin captures Teemo in his element, executing covert ops for the greater good.

In second place, we see Cottontail Teemo teaching local bunnies how to be cute and cuddly.

Astronaut and Super Teemo shore up the center of our rankings, but it’s not your fault. Not everyone’s cut out to be an astronaut or a superhero (although Teemo handles both with ease).

Now that we know Teemo needs more skins, let’s take a look at…

Teemo’s Best Friends

Tristana means a lot to him, and that river brush is a staunch ally, but who does Teemo hang out with the most on the Rift?

Most common ally: Lee Sin? I guess it makes sense…

Jinx shows up almost as often as Lee Sin. Not sure why someone so enamored with wanton destruction would want to hang out with Teemo—I guess “perfect avatars of adorable” is a close second favorite in her book.

It’s easy to think of this graph as just “which champions are popular.” So instead, let’s also look at which champions are played more frequently when Teemo is on their team(o):

Xin Zhao shows up a LOT more when Teemo’s on his team. His winrate doesn’t budge too much, though. Maybe he’s just shyly following Teemo around, awaiting the chance for an autograph.

Don’t worry, Amumu! Teemo’s always looking for more padding for his front line.

Even better, we can sort champions by how well they cooperate with our cuddly crusader.

Most successful ally: Zed! Teemo casts the largest shadow in Runeterra, so naturally he’s fast friends with the Master of Shadows. I guess if you wanna get technical, it makes sense for the premier AD midlaner to find greater success when Teemo takes the top spot.

In fact, most of the champions on this list are AD fighters and assassins. When you’ve got enough damage, you don’t need a tank. Just kill everyone!

Least successful ally: Singed is least consistent in pulling his weight, followed by Mordekaiser. Make sure your friends aren’t playing these champions.

Hate to say it, but the number of top laners on this list suggests that perhaps Teemo suffers when out of his element. The only thing this list tells us is that if allied top laners know what’s good for them, they should just make room for Teemo.

Next up…

Teemo’s Enemies

We hate these champions!

Most common foe: Heimerdinger, followed closely by Garen. We didn’t account for pick order here, but it’s safe to say that one of these champions is likely picked before Teemo, and the other is picked after.

Zoe’s here again! It’s possible she’s popping up throughout our lists because she was so intensely popular on release, and Teemo is so intensely popular all the time.

Teemo’s Worst Enemies

We searched high and low for some facts to share about which champions beat Teemo the most often. Here’s what we found:

Huh. Nothing to see here. Onward to better data!

Look at all the melee top laners! Let’s share a laugh at their expense.

Vayne is pretty high on the list, which is no surprise. She only hunts evil.

Not sure what LeBlanc is doing here. Maybe that’s actually supposed to be Jarvan IV.

Good, he hasn’t gotten to you yet. Teemo is a threat to everything that’s good, a dart snagged in the membrane separating person and beast. It hasn’t been easy, but we’ve procured a few data points that may turn the tide away from the pastel predator.

The Most Dangerous Yordle

There aren’t really any unpopular Teemo skins, but what’s important here is which skins win the most often.

Are you surprised? Little Devil and Omega Squad Teemo lead the pack here, probably because they waste no energy in hiding their true colors. Lesson one: When the enemy shows their hand, pay attention.

There are probably some Teemo mains reading this, and they may use this information to their advantage. Maybe they’ll go without a skin, or they’ll pick a middling skin like Recon Teemo just to mess with you. You know what? Just…watch out. Even when he’s on your team. Watch out.

Oh, one other thing. Decorative is dangerous. Every chroma is more powerful than its base skin. Legions have fallen to Aqua Cottontail Teemo’s harmless exterior. Don’t be one of them.

Yordlebane

Conventional wisdom (and some earlier data) demands you avoid melee champions when playing against Teemo. If you’re playing one, chances are he tricked you into picking first, or you’re too stubborn for your own good.

Against Teemo, there are no one-tricks, only pragmatic survivors. Here’s who best dishes the devil his doom:

Pantheon soundly routs conventional wisdom, and remains our greatest asset in this war. It’s as if the Aspect of Battle descended from Targon solely to meet and eliminate Runeterra’s greatest threat.

Rumble also gains ground against the fungal frustration. Among all Yordlekind, Rumble seems the only one truly cognizant of Teemo’s treachery. Look to him as an ally.

A word of caution. Swain had a good year against the mouldering menace, but he’s been losing steam since his update. We can only assume Teemo’s agents have infiltrated the balance team.

At War With Bandle City

Teemo, for all his evil, does not stand alone. His allies support him even as he discards them, pawns put to purpose. Look out for these pairings:

It’s no secret that Tristana is close with the enemy, but it’s hard to believe they work so well together.

What’s really interesting is that every single Yordle that doesn’t exclusively go top lane performs better alongside Teemo. Whatever his intentions, he does seem to be doing something right for his fellow Yordles…

Scouting the Rift

Battles against Teemo are a war against nature itself, and, red side or blue, the terrain is not your ally. We’ve managed to scope some intel*:

*These maps were built from a week’s worth of games. Any more and we risked drawing his attention.

0-5: Peace before the onslaught. Cherish these moments. You’ll notice a single mushroom staining the end of this time, a pixel presaging an impending doom.

5-20: Top lane rapidly transforms into a fungal hellscape. Top laners, you’re on your own (but aren’t you always?). Warn your jungler away from conventional methods of approach, and recommend an ingress point closer to the enemy’s jungle.

20-40: Never step directly into the center of a brush. Avoid the brush nearest the raptor pits—they’re both traps, whichever side you’re on. Teemo’s role as forward scout is on display here, as he prefers to lace lethality into his enemy’s jungle rather than his own. Finally, check your objectives. Teemo’s more likely to ‘shroom the objective his team can best access. That’s Baron for blue side, Drake for red.

40+: The time is past for traps and deception; Teemo plants poison along the lane his team is pushing, so use caution when pursuing targets. You may notice a faint spread of mushrooms near the losing team’s Nexus. Intel suggests this is an arcane ritual Teemo uses to fuel whatever dark force impels him. It may, in fact, be the only reason he pushes toward the Nexus. If true, it’s the first insight we’ve discovered into Teemo’s alien impulse.

Using this map, we’ve calculated a series of paths to follow throughout the match that will allow you to avoid 85% of Teemo’s traps. He may not know fear, but survival instincts will send him running as you stalk toward him, dodging ‘shroom after ‘shroom. All you need to do is–

What was that?

*cough*

A mushroom? How did I hit a mushroom? I was so careful…

*cough* Not much time…left. Nine years we’ve hunted for a weakness, and this is our first lead. These protected pathways are crucial to ending this threat, once and for all. Take this, and carry on our work:

Wait, I swear it was there a second ago. Hang on, there’s gotta be something in the heat map, just–

Oh. Oh no. I think–I think he’s in my head. We just need to–

*cough* You need to save yourself. Hurry, close the browser and clear your cache, before–

Oh dear, it seems we’re out of secrets to share. We’re glad we could celebrate Teemo’s birthday with such dedicated Teemo fans. Now, join us in wishing Teemo hundreds more happy birthdays.